Stepping out of my comfort zone...

I was just reading one of my older posts from last year and had to chuckle. I talk of "pushing out of my comfort zone" and the dreams of traveling I had. Well of that has brought me to where I am today- in preparation for a 3-week trip to Sierra Leone, West Africa. Now if that's isn't out of comfort zone, I don't know what is. I was really excited about it to start with, but the nerves are starting to break in. So many "what ifs" and unknowns, this trip is enough to send any control freak (like myself) over the edge. I realize I still have a whole semester before we even leave for this trip, but I feel like there is SOOO much I need to learn, study, and KNOW before I go. I don't think there's enough days in this lifetime to prepare me for this adventure. But is that all this is: an adventure? Sure, I'm trying new things (as I try to do more often than not), but what purpose do I have in going on this adventure? Last week in chapel, Dave Pedde talked about "Project: One Thirteen." There are 113 days in this semester of school. Scary. So in my new "Sierra Leone Prep Journal," I wrote:

-God, what do you want from me in the next 113 days? It's a new year- a new semester. How can I further your kingdom in the next 113 days? What significance can I bring in 113 days? What's the plan, God? I want to give you today and the 112 days after that to do something amazing... in me, thru me, in spite of me... so that your kingdom is shared throughout the nations. I'm just me... just who you made me to be... but I know you've got a plan. Make your plan my plan and make your ways my ways. My only reason for being is You and Your Kingdom and Your Word. Use me, God. Surprise me, God. Transform me. Break me. Fill me. Saturate me. Bless me. All for your Kingdom. This I pray, everyday. Amen.-

Whenever I think about journaling, I think about Paul's "journaling" in Colossians and Philippians where he says "...we ask God to fill you with the knowledge of His will... in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord... bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God..." (Col. 1:9&10) and "I am certain that God, who began a good work in you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns... and that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding..." (Phil. 1:6&9). I want that to be my prayer every day, not only for all of those whom I love and wish to encourage, but that I, too, will be strong enough to face the day with a new courage- that I may not just survive, but thrive.

College has taken its toll on me, and it's only going to continue getting harder. I find myself hungry for God's Word each morning, and needing it's thirst-quenching powers to make it through the day. Daily life has become a burden on my emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual self, and I've learned that it's only through God that I make it through each day. I continue to press on, knowing what I go through now can only strengthen me for my future. God doesn't put us through hard times for nothing, but only wants us to grow. Without trials, there would be no need for God.

So now that I've gone of on a tangent or two, I'm going to change my blog appearance- it's a new season and time for a new look. God bless all who read this blog and understand it. :)

-Andrea Beth-

Father's Day

Yesterday was Father's Day and it really got me to thinking. I know a girl whose dad died just two weeks before she left for her first year of college. I can't imagine losing my father, first of all, and then moving away from my family soon after that. It just makes me that much more thankful for my father and my mother and for my entire family. While I'm away at school, I miss my family and I constantly worry about their safety. But with Father's Day in mind, I was SOOOOO thankful that I could spend this year's Father's Day building a hexagonal picnic table. It was an all day project that tested our trig skills and it was work, but the fact that I could spend the entire day's worth of time with my father was priceless. God blessed me with the BEST dad ever, and I don't want to take that for granted. My father is SUPERMAN! He can fix anything, do anything, lift anything, and just simply be anything. He loves God and is happy to talk with me about God. I love my dad and I'm so happy we have a day to celebrate him. That's my thoughts on Father's Day this year, and until next time...

Signing out,

Andrea Beth

Missing the Good Ol' Days

Today I was thinking about how my life has changed in the matter of just one year. I used to be so confident and outgoing with everyone, and now I feel like a nobody from nowhere. My friends have all gone their own ways (which I knew would happen one day) and we don't really see each other anymore. Some are married. Some have summer jobs. Some just don't care anymore. The things which I thought described me the most (sports) have become nothing but a fun past time for me. I miss the days when friends would sit online chatting for hours about mindless topics just because we liked to make each other smile. I miss the feeling I got when my team got together and prayed- we were closer than family. I miss my confidence in knowing exactly what was ahead of me in life. Things have changed. We're all becoming different people. Best friends become old friends and new best friends are hard to find. Luckily I found a good one (Dani). :) I used to think that life was a breeze and I just had to float along in happiness. My adolescent years are over. Reality has hit and I'm feeling overwhelmed. I've learned now that I can wish for those wonderful memories to become reality again, but that's all they really are- memories. They were all such grand memories, so they were. I will miss my care-free years, but I know it's time for me to buck up and wake up. There's so much more to life than I expected, and I'm excited to see what all God has in store for me. As I recently learned, life is like a sentence. We like to put periods where comas belong. God created me to challenge my parents, support a Christian School, graduate from high school, go onto a great Christian college... and so my life continues. The period is not placed until my last breath. I want so desperately to let God control my life story, but I feel so unworthy. Why would a God who is all-powerful and all-knowing create such silly human beings and then allow them to choose whether they want to serve Him or not? That will be the first question I ask God when I get to heaven. But until then, my only hope is that my life be a great big thank-you card to God. There is so much more I've been pondering on lately, but I only know how to express some of it in words. I miss the good ol' days, but I'm excited to see what God has in store for my life in the coming days, months, and years until I take my final breath or Jesus returns to take me home. Oh, what a day that will be!

Hopelessness

I decided today that I hate death. I'm not afraid of death because I know it comes to all things at some point. But the whole idea of losing someone or something FOREVER just blows my mind. So we've had this cat for almost a decade now, and he's on his last leg right now. I can't handle it! He's suffering and dying and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't know how to help him except hold him and pet him and try and make him feel loved. I feel so hopeless and helpless. That is why I hate death. My grandpa died in his sleep and I'm okay with that. Sure, I didn't get to say my last good-bye, but I'm going to see him again in Heaven someday. But he was at peace. He didn't suffer. Sure, there was nothing I could do for him either, but at least I didn't have to watch him die. If I have to stare death in the face again, I will run away. I hate being around situations that I can't help. It makes me feel worthless and I just don't like it. When it comes my time to die, I want it to be fast and painless. Not that I have a choice in the matter, but that's my wish. I think it's the whole idea of losing pets that kills me. Some people say there's a pet heaven, but I don't believe it. Pets are our earthly possessions which pass away and never return. They're here for us to love, but when they die, they're gone forever. People, on the other hand, can be seen again, at least in my belief system. I'm going to Heaven and I'm going to be able to fellowship with those great people who have passed before me. It'll be great. But I guess until then, I'm just going to have to deal with my hatred towards death. Just my thoughts for the moment...

China, here I come...

So this year at NCU has really been an eye-opening experience for me. I knew that coming into a new place might push me to hide and be the shy little girl that I feel like sometimes, but I made a pact that I would try to push myself out of my comfort zone while I was in college and would just try to experience the world. Well, as an English major, I believe I am finally finding where I can push myself in the world- China! NCU has a sister school in China, and they love when English people come over and teach or even just speak English to them. Now I've prayed about this opportunity because it seems like too much of a dream come true, but I believe that God is calling me to China, even if it's just for a couple weeks, just to experience a new culture. Now I'm not talking about living in China for the rest of my life as a missionary, but just to go and make memories so that some day I can tell my kids, "Hey, I went to China while I was in college because I decided to take every opportunity I had to do something new." I love adventures and I love learning about different cultures. I love writing and just the complexity of the English language, but most of all, I love any opportunity I have to serve God with my gifts as He sees fit. So I'm going to continue praying for my future and if God leads me to China, more power to me! Zai jian! (That's Mandarin for "good bye.")

>Andrea Beth Grandstrand<

Purity Week

According to the white board down the hall by my RA's room, it was Purity Week this last week. To a single girl at a Christian college, that seems like no big deal, right? Well, purity isn't just staying sexually pure- it means monitoring what you watch on TV and what comes out of your mouth. I might go to a Christian college, but that doesn't mean I don't come in contact with poor movie themes, bad-mouth friends, and impure thoughts. I thought about it this week, and those things are real in my everyday life, but it's up to me to choose to dwell on them or excuse them as impure. Life is full of choices, and all of those choices come with consequences. My choice is to look to God for strength when I run into impure thoughts and sinful opportunities because I believe that that will bring me closer to God. The end. Good night.

>Andrea Beth Grandstrand<

Pondering...

So I've gotten alot of thinking in today, and I've decided a few things:

1. I want to try and keep up with my blog.

2. I want to read as many "literary classics" as I can as soon as I can.

3. I want God to govern my day-to-day walk and my life.

4. I would LOVE to travel the world, and if God calls me to do so, I will.

5. I am an English major- books should be my friends!

So as you see, i've done alot of thinking today. (Sure, I have neglected my homework a bit, but so be it.) I'm sitting here in the library, just pondering on life, and this is what comes to mind. I can't stop my mind from wondering away from homework- it happens to everyone. So as just a small step towards decision #1, here is my next, but hopefully not last, blog post. Until I blog again, God bless!

>Andrea Beth Grandstrand<